John Jacob Jingleheimerschmidt

General Information

John Jacob Jingleheimerschmidt
Fool Since:
July 22 1999
EightTrackXCX (8/9/2013), EightTrack3 (7/17/2013), BraveUlysses (12/28/2005), EightTrack2 (10/23/2005), Evinx (12/30/2004), EightTrack1 (12/4/2004), MojoWorkingOT (9/17/2003), EightTrack (9/16/2003), hir5164 (5/31/2002)
Where I Live:
His Name is My Name Too, USA
Where I Grew Up:
Jingleheimerschmidt Canton

Investing Basics

Investing Experience:
Risk Tolerance:
Investing Style:
Value Investor
Portfolio Size:
Large (12 or more Stocks)
Types of Investments:
Franklin Mint Civil War Chess Set
Stocks I Own:

Investing Favorites

Stocks that make money
Asset managers, Canadian non-resource stocks, financial toll booth operators, BDCs, some retail, and owner operators.
Deranged Monkey Board, Stereo8
All the usual Graham, Lynch, Buffett annual reports, etc.
Please don't
They still make those?
MicroCapClub, Bearnobull, Calculated Risk, Calafia Beach Pundit and some stock-picking blogs.
No one remembers poor John Neff, sniff sniff.

Investing Expertise

My Area of Expertise:
I'm working on it, hold your horses.
Greatest Investment:
DHIL (bought very early)
Worst Investment:
DHIL (sold very early)
Money I Manage:
Couch cushion change and spare money from selling blood. SEP-IRA from pimping.

Education And Work Information

School(s) Attended
Romper Room
Job Title
Capitalist Pig
Company / Organization
Former Jobs
Socialist Tool


Personal Quote:
My own: The only constant in all your unsuccessful investments is ... You. ******* Winston Churchill: "The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries." George Orwell: "To see what is in front of one's nose needs a constant struggle."
My Interests:
I don't have interests. I have investments. My investments include a variety of promising interests.
Person(s) I'd Like To Meet:
Cobra Commander; Alexander Hamilton
Favorite Restaurants or Foods:
Favorite Vacation Spots:
Planet Earth
Favorite Sports or Teams:
Liquid Lounge Luge. Deranged Monkey Ping Pong, Bocce ball. Curling. Midget tossing. Competitive bed wetting, Underarm hair braiding. Laotian lanyard-making.
Favorite Movies:
Favorite Board Games:
Monopoly, of course.
Favorite Video Games:
Q-bert. Pole Position.
Favorite Music or Musicians:
The Bangles; Wham; Bananarama ... the classics.
Great Books Read Recently:
Do EDGAR filings count?
Book Currently Reading:
Does the label of Bundaberg Ginger Beer count?

An Interview with EightTrack4

Last updated: 6/26/2014
The Fool:
What's your greatest athletic achievement? Little League champ? Ran a marathon? Did 4 consecutive sit-ups?
Fencing: I do a mean beat-attack with a sabre. Alas, sometimes my parrys are my Perry Como than parry riposte.
The Fool:
Make a confession.
Unlike most Gloom and Doomsters, I think America is doing just fine. We're positioning our economy well for future growth; teaching positive values to our kids. No joke! So far, it looks like this is going to be another American Century. Remember what The Smart Money said about lack of productivity growth in the 80s? Wrong. Remember, government stats are only as good as government workers. Remember Hayek's Fatal Conceit! (I wrote this in 2003.)
The Fool:
What's the most overrated idea, person, or event in our culture?
"Awareness."<br /><br />The idea that people would conform to acceptable behavior in accordance with my definition only if they were "aware" of the "facts" - as my interest group sees them - is ridiculous and insulting.
[Read the full Interview]

My Story

I was raised by Keebler Elves until age fourteen, when I forced to leave due to a budding lactose intolerance. Forced from the only treehouse I had known, I fell into a bad crowd and joined a gang led by the Michelin Man. That tired me out. I felt like I was going round and round. I then moved on to a pair of wonderful Hostesses. Sadly, they turned out be a couple of Ding Dongs.

How I Invest

Fortunately I have a standing invite to Bilderberg conferences. At the last few conferences, it was all the rage to discuss how we can best destroy southern European economies and make a good buck at it. Previous conference programs have been: 1) robbing people of their health care and personal dignity (and making a buck at it); 2) exploiting the little people ... before it's too late and there's none left (all crushed ... robot-time!); 3) Jews - still a useful foil or time to switch?; 4) Gangnam time - how stupid music and dumb videos can be used to keep the masses down and out.